There are two ways to create a sense of security in relationships

The first is by control; always watching closely for things to go wrong and doing all things possible to prevent problems. These relationships require tight boundaries, frequent questioning, stern lecturing, and at least a few emotional walls to prevent us from getting wounded. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a prison—a place with maximum security but with minimal freedom.

The second way to create security in a relationship, however, is by trust; believing that each party will do what’s best and knowing that difficulties can be met with truthfulness, confidence, and peacemaking efforts. These relationships require selflessness and humility, affirmations of trust, and questions asked for information rather than for accusation. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a pasture—a place with  security is accepted as a gift; where all parties accept the risk of problems because they are sure those problems can be overcome; where all parties enjoy great freedom.

As parents, as bosses, as spouses, as teachers, as church leaders, as mentors, as friends… we all have the potential to foster both kinds of relationships. We can let the people around live in a pasture or a prison. Both will create their own type of security, but only one is like the relationships that God wants to bless us with: those which are led by still waters, which fear no evil even when they walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, and which are peaceful enough to lie down in green pastures (Ps. 23). That is God’s gift to us, if we’ll receive it. Is it the gift that we’re giving to others?

- Dan Lankford, minister

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of cars around town with the stickers that plead, “Be patient. Student driver.” And they’ve got me thinking about all the timidity, missteps, halts, false starts, and distractedness that are common with new drivers. It’s to be expected in the process of learning the new skill, but it would be a big problem if someone continued to act like a rookie driver, even years into the process.

I think there’s a good comparison in that to the Christian walk. Because it’s to be expected that new Christians won’t navigate The Way like their more experienced faith siblings. There will usually be timidity—a persistent fear of messing up. There will be mistakes—a sin of omission or of commission that is committed unknowingly (Lev. and Num. speak often of sins unintentionally committed).

There will be halts and false starts and hiccups as each new level of working in the Kingdom begins. And there are likely to be strong distractions—things that try hard to draw our attention away from the things of God when we are just getting started (cf. Mt. 13:22). Those of us who are mature should expect these things of new believers, and we should help them work through it all. “Be patient. Growing Christian.”

But when we have been in the faith long enough to grow beyond those spiritual upstart struggles, if we’re still experiencing them, we have a serious problem on our hands. That is a lack of spiritual maturity, and it ought to wake us up, call us to prayer, and compel us to repent. A certain level of spirituality is expected of us after a certain time (cf. Hb. 5:11-6:3), and we’d better be diligently seeking it every day. “Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity” (Hb. 6:1).

- Dan Lankford, minister

“The reason that no one should believe in miracles—especially the miracle of resurrection—is because it can’t be tested by the scientific method.”

The Scientific Method is the technical term for the type of empirical measurement and testing of certain behaviors based in the natural world. Its key to success is its dependence on repeatable scenarios—testing, observing, and documenting the behaviors of substances, animals, weather patterns, etc. in the natural world. And we would do well to be magnanimous: We owe much of the modern world’s convenience and safety to the scientific method and the findings that have been wrought through it. But its dependence upon repeatable scenarios is a double-edged sword: it leads to greater reliability but is also a limitation that we must acknowledge.

The trouble for Christian apologetics is not with the Method itself, but with those who see it as a universal template for determining all knowledge and reality. When we believe that “science” is what will make humanity whole and essentially *save* us, we have put far too much faith in it. This is the problem of those who make the claim from this article’s first sentence: It is that when we approach the Bible’s events, we are dealing with historical people (which, by definition, are not repeatable) and supernatural scenarios (which, by definition, cannot be measured empirically).

As a general rule, Christians would do well to temper our faith in “science,” so far as that is defined by a naturalistic worldview. It’s certainly not always a bad thing, but we must realize its limitations. Believers ought to read with a discerning eye when anything claims that “science” has discovered the key to something which the Method cannot sufficiently explain. For some examples, consider some magazine and online article headlines: “Science discovers why we’re unhappy,” or “Science discovers why some people are good parents and others aren’t,” or any such thing. Likewise, we ought to temper our faith in its promises for the future, especially when we are told that it will make humanity whole. For some examples, consider promises like these: “Someday, science will help us stop every disease and injury from happening,” or “With enough scientific advances, we’ll be able to stop all wars, because all the resource and commerce problems will be solved.” Only when Christ is fully accepted by faith in every believing heart can we expect to see the world saved in such ways. It won’t be “science” that saves us; it will be God, through his Son Jesus of Nazareth.

At the end of the day, our acceptance or rejection of the Bible’s history comes down to faith. Do we have faith in the Scientific Method to tell us all that is real in the world? Or do we have faith in the One who created the world which the Method can only measure? The Bible’s miracles, and especially the resurrection, must be accepted by faith (see Jn. 20:30-31’s emphasis on belief). But with the preponderance of other evidence for Christianity and the Bible, we have all the reasons necessary to put our faith in them.

- Dan Lankford, minister

“I don’t like change.” “I don’t handle change very well.” “Change is always hard.” “I’m just not wired to do change very well.”

Life changes whether we like it or not. Ecclesiastes 3 says there’s a time for everything that happens under the sun; sometimes one thing, and sometimes its exact opposite. It’s just part of life.

In business, it’s brought on by demands of the market, needs of the workforce, unexpected expenses, employee turnover, and a gazillion other things. In families, it’s brought on by growth and aging, by health, by shifting income levels, by new time constraints or new freedoms, and a gazillion other things. Political powers change. Friendships change. Fashions change. We grow better and get worse at times. Even known weather patterns change. It’s just a part of life.

So why, if it’s definitely going to be part of our lives, do we struggle with it? I think it’s ultimately because things are out of our control.

When we sense change approaching, we often fear that something or someone (maybe ourselves) will lose or ruin something good. And we know we often can’t always prevent that. And so we fear that the change will be a net loss in our lives.

Now, to be sure, there is an element of wisdom to being consistent and unchangeable in some ways in our lives. But hopefully as God’s people, we have the spiritual and emotional maturity to realize that even though things will change around us and in us, God will stay side-by-side with us and see us through those things. The key to getting all of it right is to put our trust fully in God through the whole of life. As the hymn says, “He will carry you through.”

- Dan Lankford, minister

“Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.”

That bit of wisdom, attributed to Sir Francis Bacon, is engraved in the marble on the walls in the Library of Congress. It’s a reminder of the wholeness of someone who wants to live life skillfully. It’s good wisdom for anyone, and especially for Christians, who want to live life skillfully according to God’s wisdom for all cultures and times.

Reading is an important spiritual discipline for the child of God. When we allow it, God’s word will saturate our minds with divine truth, love, and wisdom. It gives us the vision to see the world, ourselves, and others as we truly are. It lets us hear from God himself.

Conversation—what Bacon calls “conference”—is also an important spiritual discipline. It’s in conversations that we practice articulating the truths of The Faith so that we become more prepared to “make a defense to anyone who asks” about the hope that gives us purpose (1 Pt. 3:15).

And when it comes to communicating doctrine correctly, I find that writing helps me achieve clarity more than anything else. Writing encourages us to choose words that are just right for the occasion, for the audience, and for the subject matter. With a subject matter as important as the Gospel, shouldn’t we want to communicate it with accuracy and care?

The skill with which we walk thru life will be greatly enhanced by these three disciplines. These are elements of how many of God’s faithful ones have lived with wisdom for millennia. Let’s learn from their wisdom and from God’s to do the same things today.

- Dan Lankford, minister

In the past 10 days, I’ve been involved in or overhearing close friends in conversations on the following topics: Pride Month, atheism-vs-Christianity, modesty, depression, Christians and martial struggles, Catholicism-vs-Biblical Christianity, and the current state of the Israel-Hamas war. I know I’m stating the obvious here: any conversation on those subjects has the potential for argument, tension, and hurt feelings. They are all places where emotions run high and opinions grow strong.

The combination of all of those has reminded me of the importance of our words. When we speak as Christians, we are called to always speak graciously, with words “seasoned with salt,” so that we have the wisdom to answer each person appropriately in a given situation (Col. 4:6). We’re told that having the thoughtfulness to say the right thing at the right time is like giving the gift of fine jewelry (Prv. 25:11-12). We’re told that speaking the right word at the right time will bring us joy (Prv. 15:23), and that refraining from speaking when it’s right to do that will help us just as much (Prv. 21:23). In any and every situation, Christians are called to be thinking people, so that we will answer in a way that gives true benefit to everyone who hears it.

I’ve been encouraged by the Christians that I’ve heard in these conversations this week. I’ve heard believers speak their convictions, respect the convictions of others, admit mistakes they’ve made, and resolve conflict in healthy ways. I’ve heard them speak up for the truth to others who were holding to spiritual and religious errors. I’ve heard them have the humility to say, “This is what I think, but I could be wrong” when it came to some of the topics listed above. I’ve been encouraged by their examples to speak with wisdom all the time.

I hope and pray that I’ve handled the conversations where I was involved with the grace and wisdom that I should have. And I pray that for all of us—that our speech will always be the kind of gracious, wise, truthful words that Christ himself would speak.

- Dan Lankford, minister

Surely we’ve all experienced the frustration of doing things right and not seeing positive results from it. We pray for someone but don’t see the prayers answered. We eat healthy and exercise but the number on the scale doesn’t seem change. We take to heart a new batch of marriage advice, but the tension stays in our relationship. We train and re-train someone on the job, but see no change in their work. And here’s one of the big ones: We discipline and teach our kids, but they just don’t seem to be getting any of it and growing into the people they should be.

In cases like that, our frustration with lacking results often leads us to look for new methods. We look for the newest diet fad, the latest marriage advice, the latest psychology of training, or yet another new parenting book. And eventually, after many methods, we look back over our efforts and think, “I just don’t know else to do.”

I think that there’s a subtle, but important fault in that thought process. It’s that we’re looking for something else to try, instead of continuing in what is known to be good.

Now, that principle is a truism in lots of areas of life, but since today is Mother’s Day, here’s how it applies to parenting: Let’s focus less on new ideas for parenting and increase our commit-ment to the old wisdom from God for raising them. The list of passages given below will help us stop looking for what else to try and to stay committed to what works. Is that tough? Yes. Perseverance is harder than novelty. But by our faith in God’s grace, we can do it, and we’ll be better off for it in the long run of life and eternity.

- Dan Lankford, minister

Deut. 6:5-7, Prv. 22:6, Prv. 19:18, Prv. 23:19, Prv. 29:17, Heb. 12:5-8, Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:21

There’s some serious confusion around manhood in our culture. If you turn to any number of different outlets, you’ll receive any number of conflicting views about how to become a man, what’s wrong with men, and what makes a good man. So how can we know which one is right? How can we know what masculinity is really supposed to be like?

The key is to block out all the noise and listen only to one voice. A voice that will tell us the truth. The voice of God.

The word of God has many glimpses of the same things we see wrong with men in the modern world. In the Bible, we see weakness in places where men should have been strong. We see oppression and abuse where men should have been kind and accommodating. We see men who oppress women and children, who are unfaithful to their wives and families, whose foolishness ruins the lives of others around them, and whose godless arrogance destroys them.

And yet… There are examples of godly masculinity that repeatedly shine as bright lights out of that darkness. There are men who embody gentleness, wisdom, strength, meekness, care, and righteousness… all at the same time. Are they perfect? No. All of them, except for One, fail in some way. And yet they showed us how to strive for the ideal.

This coming Sunday’s sermon will be for men. We’ll talk about the way that godly men should be characterized by humility. We’ll talk about how humility drives both tenderness and toughness, how it helps us know when to speak and when to keep quiet, how it helps us to step up for those who need us, and how it manifests in our habits of self-control and self-discipline.

God told Ezekiel that he was seeking “for a man to stand in the gap” (Ez. 22:30) to do the right thing before God and others. We want to be the godly men who can do that when God calls upon us. So this Sunday’s lesson will give us a little bit of guidance toward doing that better than we ever have before.

- Dan Lankford, minister

What do you most like to watch, listen to, or read? Does it fit with your being a sincere Christian?

Christians need to be intentional with the entertainment choices that we make. Streaming shows, books, movies, and social media videos that promote ungodly attitudes and sinful behaviors aren’t the kind of things that ought to characterize our habits. The things that we fill our minds and hearts with—the stories and thoughts to which we ascent—have a profound impact on us. Likable characters warm us up to their way of life, which is really problematic when that way of life is ungodly.

So let’s ask ourselves: Are we choosing to be entertained by senseless or careless violence? Is the loss of human life downplayed in our favorite stories, as though it were unimportant? Are we being led to laugh off certain sins? Is foul, sinful, cursing language used as though it were harmless? Are the things that we find entertaining attempting to make it unclear whether someone doing evil is a good guy or a bad guy, eroding our discernment about what’s right and wrong? Is sexuality portrayed in unholy ways that go beyond the proper love of husband and wife? Are things which God has declared sinful being portrayed as happy, freeing, pleasant, and good?

I recently heard a preacher note that when we allow ourselves to be entertained by something, we’re aligning our hearts with that thing, if only a little bit. There’s a small amount of conforming with its ideals that happens. And thinking about the danger of that reminded me of these words from Proverbs: “My son, if sinners entice you... my son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths…” (Prv. 1:10-16) It’s a good reminder not to align ourselves with the world and their ways. Like the Spirit said through Paul, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Rm. 12:1)

The reality of living in a fallen world means that we won’t be able to put a full stop to the immorality that we see and hear about. The day-to-day world is full of it, and it finds its way into our lives in so many ways. But there’s a big difference between seeing immorality and seeking it. There’s a big difference between hearing of sins committed and honoring them as entertaining. There’s a big difference between knowing that sin is sinful and wondering if it’s sensible. The problem is not only what we see; it’s what we choose. Let’s make sure that we’re honestly trying to glorify God in everything that we do.

- Dan Lankford, minister

Many Christians have a pessimistic outlook on raising kids. We believe it’s a risk, saying things like, “We shouldn’t want to bring kids into a world that’s gotten this bad. It’s worse than it’s ever been. It would just eat them alive, destroying their faith.” But the world has always been evil. I doubt that “the world is worse for our kids than it’s ever been.” Perhaps, though, the world’s wickedness comes closer to them, thanks, at least in part, to the presence of smart devices.

One of the unique challenges of Christian parenting in our day is handling screens wisely in our families. So, here’s some advice to Christian parents for helping our kids serve Christ when surrounded by screens.

• Regulate their time on screens. Encourage intentional, tangible activities like conversation, engagement, reading, work, and generosity. Set a whole-family ‘fast’ from your tech once in awhile.
• Set parental blocks. Gateways on your wifi routers, blocked-out apps, time limits, etc.
• Unapologetically invade their privacy for the sake of spiritual accountability. There isn’t anything unbiblical about doing that, so long as it’s truly for their good and not justification for us to be on a power trip. Check their browsing histories, texts sent and received, downloads, and apps. Let them know from the outset that this kind of accountability will be standard procedures with your family.
• Finally, talk openly about what you’re doing as a parent and why. Caveat: be wise enough with in those conversations not to accidentally tell them how to find ungodliness (a mistake that I’ve heard preachers and parents make more than once), but for older kids, do let them know the purpose behind your decisions. Remind them that you’re trying to foster a true, abiding love for God in their hearts.

Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” (Mt. 6:22-23) Parents, let’s be wise and diligent to keep our families’ hearts full of God’s light.

- Dan Lankford, minister

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[images sourced from Storyset.com]